The holidays

Ah, Christmas. Not my favorite holiday (April fools, nothing to do with the intelligence of my friends, cough) but I remember as a child how it would symbolize food, drink and presents. It would also mean a trip to the countryside to visit my grandparents. As a child, there was nothing more exciting, I loved road trips, especially since my father had a...uh need for speed. I would sit up for most of the journey, studying his movements as he skillfully drove towards my biggest childhood adventure. I inherited the need though, it's a family thing.

well, as long as its not a cop car :-)

My earliest Christmas memory involves a chicken. Yes, a chicken with a rightfully bad temper because as a child, I loved animals. Frogs, chameleons, dogs and snakes even. I'm still not sure why. Anyway, I liked chicks (still do ha, but uh...different meaning). I liked those fluffy yellow little things and I wanted to play with them. Mother hens were not too pleased with my scheming to get one though. I was chased around the compound by them severally in a way that led me to respectfully keep my distance from those fowl chickens, ha, until my late teenage years. I knew those things were sinister and evil with their flappy wings and their wild bird calls (read cackling). I then decided to hatch one on my own. In my defense, I was very young. I procured an egg and put it under my pillow one night. Imagine my disappointment the next morning when there was no chick there, ha. The egg was under my head the whole night and did not break, this in no way says anything about the weight of my brain, ahem. That Christmas, I learnt that all things take time.

well, timing is everything, haha

I longed for Christmas in the city the more I grew up. I would hear stories about wild parties and fun galore while I was in the village. Oh the jealousy I held in. Then one Christmas, I got my wish. I was in the city but my loving father was not convinced that wild partying was a worthwhile Christmas celebration for his sixteen year old. My months of careful scheming were for nothing, I was foiled. Biscuits!

Soon enough, I was old enough to party if I wished but yet again I was foiled. My astute father did not believe that all those years of watching him drive had magically bestowed upon me impeccable driving skills. Biscuits! It's still a sound argument in my books, ha. Therefore, no partying took place.

ok, ok, yes it went something like that, haha

When I eventually did get to party, I hated it. The clubs were full of people competing to be more inebriated, the bouncers thought they were gatekeepers to untold treasures and even if I got in, finding a seat was an unexpected type of hell. I figured that I had missed the bus and the next two also. Supporting evidence of this came when I tried to party on New Year’s Eve two years ago. I still don't know why every vehicle possible in the city of Nairobi was parked in front of me half an hour to the New Year because I did my new year’s countdown while stuck in traffic; no actually, I was in a parking lot that was charted on Google maps as a main road. Biscuits!! Digestive biscuits in fact. I could not believe it.

After that, I concluded that unless I am at a house party, I will stay home or hang out with friends elsewhere. After all, my take on the holidays is that it is best spent with friends and family. I like to think of that as the best gift of all.

Happy holidays people

pictures from google

Girls and driving

See? See what I did there?? I used two separate words. Now there is a reason for this, really there is because there actually are girls who can drive really well. I rest assured that I can out drive any of them though... *scampers for cover*. In addition, there are some who are the reason for pictures such as the one below.

It so happens that I have had the honor of teaching two talented girls something about driving (probably only how to turn on the car and switch it off but hey). Oddly, they are both Tom boys (Tom men?? Ah English, she makes no sense sometimes) with a propensity towards road rage. You should hear them…uh express distaste, their rants can make the scraggliest men fresh out of hunting adventures in the wild blush like schoolgirls. I would dare say that they have a commanding presence on the road.

 I have also seen the other side of this coin. Oh my have I seen it. I have been driven in a car in such a way that my nervousness had me hovering millimeters above my seat anxious about my safety and my promising future (aspiring watchman). I have been in a car driven by a girl who knew for a fact that she was born an F1 driver (only in her mind) and held my breath for so long that I almost popped the buttons on my shirt.

 ok, this did not happen but i would not have been surprised

As of a month or so ago, I would like to take responsibility and apologize to the world for releasing a particular half baked lunatic on the roads. She mastered the basics in a time that I previously considered impossible for girls and has hence taken on the advanced tactics of insulting other clearly mad drivers with words that would make the foulest of sailors blush and hide below decks. Though I suspect she used the tactics below to pass her test...

I came across another girl who can drive recently. No, not get a car from point a to b, drive fast, drive well and skillfully. I was quite relieved after a certain competition, that she did not kick my behind whether it was by pure luck or coincidence. I still deny that I was seen crossing my fingers and mouthing unheard prayers to stay unbeaten. She beat scores of men by the way, I think they probably consoled themselves with alcoholic beverages. She was one girl I would definitely trust to drive me.

The other girl who I respect greatly garners her own respect. Public transport drivers near where she lives know of her. She drives like a man, not just any man though. She drives with the raw testosterone of a truck driver whose image is conjured by imagining a burly bearded man in a baseball cap whose elbow sticks out of an eighteen wheelers cabin and is able to spit a comet-like gob earthwards without causing even the slightest twitch in the blade of grass in the corner of his mouth.

well, im convinced :-)

The point is, girls can drive. Granted, not all but the few who can are as valued and as rare as honest mechanics. The other side of this coin is that there are men who cannot drive, even to save their lives. I will point no fingers *cough* nyaks *cough*.

All in all, girls are awesome.

Have a good one

This week, I saw this awesome video i have to share, the dancing amuses me immensely, haha

pictures from google

Boobs

Got your attention eh?  Well yes, that is exactly what I will talk about today, boobs. Happy topic eh? I'm imagining a few men getting foolishly wide grins on their faces right about ....

 Now.

Ok then, I have never had boobs and that is not going to change for any of those who might have had hopes. I am a big fan though. If ever there was a reason to thank the primordial ooze from which we evolved for taking that first step that brought us this far, boobs would be it. ( insert hearty claps) Capable of starting world wars and stopping charging wrestlers in their tracks, in a way, boobs run the world.

I'm a month late to start my breast awareness conservation but in my opinion, breasts should be conserved throughout the year, October is simply an important a reminder. Given how I grew up in a culture where, as I write this, I hunch my shoulders and almost blush with childishness every time I write boob, I hoped to share one silly man's take on boobs *hunch* haha.

As a manly man (who likes strawberry shakes and veggies, yes I said it), I found boobs in my teenage years. Before that I have no idea where they were hiding because I knew nothing of them. When I discovered them though, it's like I opened pandora's box. Being a healthy young teen in a school with girls was chaos. They were everywhere, and when they were not visible I had involuntarily taken mental pictures. It took me a while of talking to girls before I was able to convince their boobs to stop staring at my eyes. Ha. It was a hard fight though the war rages on as boobs everywhere compel my eyes with their sinister will.

I was recently talking with the girl who is mad enough to date this blogger and I had a mini breakthrough. We were discussing breast feeding (random eh?). I was somehow enlightened. For some reason, I simply do not make that connection when it comes to boobs. I mostly see slow motion jogging (the glorious bounce), bikinis (hair flipping water scenes) and for some inexplicable reason chests belonging to girls who take body building much too seriously. Apart from entertaining men, boobs are actually functional, I mean, really, who knew.

Some time ago, I read the results of a study that said something about looking at boobs being healthy for men. How ridiculous, I thought, but the supporting evidence was compelling. Apparently, staring at boobs can help men live longer because it boosts blood flow in the body, no really, and that’s good for the heart according to scientists. If you ask me, that was money very well spent. Those guys deserve a peace prize or something. Finally, a legal and healthy reason to look at boobs. I fear though that many girlfriends and wives will fail to see the benefits their men reap from such proven wisdom. I have posted the link thus click here. See for yourselves.

As for my opinion, I'm heavily under the illusion that I'm ridiculously good looking hence my aloof and mostly proud nature. Thus boobs must prove to me that they are worth my time, I have lots of awesomeness crammed into one day so I have to know whether its worth sharing, like the kid at the playground with sandwiches in his lunchbox who will only trade with a kid with cake. #thatshowido 

Have a good one people

pictures from google

The friend Zone *shudders*

I was watching an episode of the xfactor the other day and I saw something that made me stifle my laughter lest I am considered mean. A young man and a lady were up on stage and were about to sing a duo. The young man was enthusiastic, young and full of energy. He was a nice guy, I dare say now that I think about it that I think he was more talented but at the time, its not what I noticed. The judges clearly have this thing they do in which they ask a few questions to try and know the performers better so they asked. The guy was rather close to the girl and I noticed from his body language that he must like the girl because I could have sworn that she was not his sister. The female judge picked up on this and immediately asked them if they were dating. I laughed out loud involuntarily as the guy blushed shamelessly, almost hiding behind the girl completely. Embarrassingly though, the girl was unmoved, she just stared at the judges and calmly said no, they were not. Oh the pain in his eyes haha, sorry I'm a bit of a yobbo sometimes. I felt a mix of sympathy and evil glee for I have been there a couple of times myself though in my defense, it was not on public television and I was not singing.

Quite accurate, wouldn't you say?

 Hence my post, the friendship lagoon (according to my genius friend Andrew) which is described as the friend zone, best friends and all manner of deluding adjectives. Such a sad place this is, haha, for the victim that is. Depending on the nature and different dynamics of the situation, I usually feel either a degree of empathy or it amuses me more than it probably should. 

 How does this situation arise??

Well, it usually starts with one party in the situation being attracted to the other whereas the recipient party shares not the same attraction. It goes both ways though it is by far more common to find a guy who is inexorably attracted to a girl who does not feel the same.

The sting of this situation usually occurs at some point when the person who is attracted gets courage to confess their feelings to the recipient and usually get rebuffed with a resounding statement like we are just friends or you are like a brother/sister to me. Hahaha. At this moment, I have no sympathy for I know how many times I have said this, ahem. Forgive my cockiness, I will resume speaking sense.

 Ha, some things are just what they are

Is there a solution in sight for the lovestruck?

I fear not. Science is yet to come up with a spray that will instantly create attraction where there was none and if they do, I hope they never say. In Kenya, I have seen posters on lamp posts and other less than reputable places with notices that claim that they can solve your love problems, love potions and what not. HAha, what fool nonsense. If it works, if someone can give me proof of actual results, I will willingly consume a bowl of grass to symbolize eating my words. I sense that all the grass in Kenya is safe now.

What then is the way forward for the hopeless, is there a champion who will show them the way?

I would love at this point to take credit and take this burden upon myself and free the nerds… uh I mean the lovestruck everywhere so they may have wonderful fulfilling relationships but, its not up to me. In all honesty, the only person who can ever solve this is usually already in it. Just be yourself, if they like it, kudos and all the best, if they don’t, move on.

That’s my weekly dose of genius,

Have a great great weekend, be good to your friends, haha 

ps I could not believe that there is a whole site dedicated to this. Haha, I'm conflictingly amused and baffled by this phenomenon.

http://hoverhands.org/

This is my Cool song this week

Pick up artist vs casanova (game part 2)

Feel free to read the first part of this post click here

Ok then. Grrrr…. I hate it aaaahhh. It sucks so bad and I feel like my hands are tied. I hate it when I meet my ex and she is looking like a million shillings I never spent, oh the frustration. Ok, ok I'm done. But ahhh, why cant she just look bad eh? Am I asking for too much? Really? I think not. Surely, it must go against some rule written somewhere reputable apart from the blogosphere. Sigh. Its beyond my considerable powers.

HAha this picture was just too awesome

 

Not too long ago, I was going through my friends hard disk gathering series to watch and I came across a folder with an interesting name. The pick up artist. Interesting, I thought. So I asked him what it was about. One of my friends proclivities with regard to entertainment involved videos of the hot and steamy nature and I did not wish to sully my young virgin eyes ha. He told me it was safe so I added it to my selection.

  Yup, thats them

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series)

I watched the show a little while later and found it quite interesting. It was actually about what the title was. Picking up girls. No, not like napkins from the floor but starting engaging conversations that give uh options. The show was about some clueless men who were being shown the ropes. At the end of the episode, predictably, the man who performed the weeks challenge poorest went home. I learnt a thing or two myself, I admit.

 

well, i imagine it goes something like this

Thus the post, the two types of game. The pick up artist and the casanova. The pick up artist is a specialist in one night stands, friends with benefits and generally the practice of getting some. They usually have uh options on speed dial and usually have some theory or solution for their emotions.

The other type of game is the Casanova. They are usually masters of emotion. Kings of context, know what to say it and when. They are charming, warm and for the time in which they give you attention, you feel over the moon. Neither type of game has more importance than the other. In fact, I would say they balance each other.

Im sorry, that look is just priceless haha

The pick up artist is a genius at first encounters, first dates (if any) and quick exits. The Casanova is more emotionally vested, they charm, romance and almost have a physical hold on the person. The pick up artist can get the girl but the Casanova can keep her for as long as they want.

The pick up artist lives the way they do because they either do not have time for relationships, they only want the physical uh benefits or even fear commitment. They have their appeal. The Casanova is a master of relationships but not as good at picking them up. Sure, they may have more than one person at a time but they tend to focus more on quality than quantity.

I had such wisdom to share with regard to this then I lost the file that I typed it in. Quite frustrating I say. Thus instead I will write about my week. This week, I had my first photo shoot. Test shoot actually with a young talented photographer and it was my first time. I imagined it would be easy cause, well, its me. It wasn't. I was nervous, just a bit, enough for it not to be too obvious.

 No, it was nothing like that though :-)

Have a great weekend peoples

pictures from google

Game

I tried to read this, really, i did, didn't teach me much, i could ask to get my money back...

High school was hellish for me. I was small, infamous for my big mouth and I found women baffling and intricately complex.  I had a friend, let's call him HOrace for the sake of this story ha. He seemed to know what made them tick. How? I wondered, how in his not so lengthy existence had he solved this puzzle known as girls? I could not bring myself to ask him what he did. I often tried to eavesdrop on his conversations to learn his secrets (not proud of this but what could I do) to no avail. His conversations did not have the key words or magic I envisioned. He did not pull out a pocket watch and hypnotize his er... Victims. It simply did not add up. Plus, the young man got some. Lots off it, in fact, the tail seemed to chase him. Sure there were other guys who got lucky periodically but HOrace was on a level of his own. I gave up on understanding women then and focused on video games. At least they made sense.

haha, I asked this question waay too often.

HOrace is still a good friend of mine. Great man. Still doing his thing (no surprises there,haha), but I now have a clearer understanding of what was happening hence my post. I will attempt to answer the questions below to define clearer what I speak of and what my good friend had in abundance before I could even look a girl in the eye.

What is this fabled and mysterious power?

What does it involve? How can I obtain it ( is it a sword set in stone kind of thing or can one get it off a supermarket shelf)

Game. It is everything yet nothing (haha, I'm shamelessly attempting to sound wise and all). It is everything you do and everything you are. It can also be defined by what you do not do. Complex eh? Not really, stay with me. Swag, moves like Jagger, usain bolts confident aura, mario balotelli's arrogant attitude, Barrack Obama's eloquent speeches, Alejandro's walk, khal drogo's warrior ways (for dee) e.t.c.

I say, hats off to his presentation and composure.

All of them have lots of game. Game is simply how you dress, how you walk, how you talk and who you are. Hence the everything and nothing statement. It's the way the world perceives you and at the same time it  is how you see yourself. Therefore you are born with it. Oh, by the way this goes for guys and for girls.

How do I know if I have it? Does it have custodians who hid it in some temple of doom or something?

Why the heavens is it so powerful?

My great friend HOrace had seen the insides of a gym for a considerable amount of time while we were still in high school. In fact, he was the reason most of us would use silly excuses like the weather forecast on the days that we were having swimming lessons. Oddly, it isn't even what this game is about. I even dare to reference the sexy and I know it song by LMFAO here. That lead singer looks like he would face great difficulty if requested to do a push up. But believe me, he got game.

Why is it so powerful? Well, I have a theory on that though I must ask that you please do not quote me in your term papers. The mating game has rules and all, no? Ok then, the force of attraction/pure lust that we often feel is simply our bodies telling us that we have found a viable option with whom fireworks can happen. I theorize that after years of evolution, instead of bright feathers and mating calls, humans now have the force of attraction rather than the mating rituals animals have. On an individual level, it boils down to game, the source of all attraction. Game recognize game.

In my experience, there are two types of game. I will expand on this in my next post. oh, wait, one last question,

Yup, i mean it.

Thanks for reading. Have a good one :-)


photos from google

99 problems

I tried so hard to wait until Friday to publish this post but of late I have been writing quite a bit so I will just post them one by one. Anyway, here goes.

Could this be true?? hmm i wonder...

Like the song with this posts title, I have issues I face periodically but girls have never been one. While at the gym today, some of the regulars started a conversation about women and the problems they represent and how men's behavior changes around them. I chuckled so hard that I almost dropped the baby weights I was attempting to look macho with. I even contributed a couple of lines while trying to keep them talking because I found their views rather amusing.

Firstly, it is amazing how strong and fairly good-looking men in my gym lose composure whenever a girl or lady walks in. It has nothing to do with how attractive she is. Most times, they just want to be noticed. I have  seen a man attempt to lift a weight far beyond his capabilities, with veins bulging from his arms and face with such sheer will that his eyes seem to want to leave their sockets to help. Then with each greatly labored lift he heaves so loud that no one at all in the gym can ignore it, with the simple hope of catching a girls attention. What stands out most for me is that he is not alone, spread out in the gym, men who usually bear their burdens in silence suddenly find their voices and the resulting cacophony of men trying to make the loudest noise leaves me shaking my head, quite amused for few, if any girls ever face them. They just finish up and leave.

This guy deserves some sort of prize, i mean, really?

Then my fellow fitness enthusiasts discussed (after the girl walked out, with calm voices no doubt) how men are weak. They went to the extent of quoting that only one or two men in the bible were able to resist a lady's charms. At this point, I put down my sissy weights as I found this too amusing for me to concentrate. They spoke with such passion, each sharing a story in which a "friend" was approached by another friends girlfriend and how it ended as the girl desired. They were resolute.

Haha how silly

Then the conversation shifted to how everything that men do is for a girl, somewhere whether it is a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a mother, a sister or even a girl who has potential. They complained briefly about how ridiculous and unfair the situation was, one gym instructor even saying that girls all over are just growing fat while he keeps in shape but eventually, they all admitted, girls are the root of many problems, regardless of the fact that men simply cannot live without them.  One individual even said that most people were in the gym because of a girl somewhere to which almost everyone brushed off saying that they are only there for their personal fitness. When asked one by one though, most of the men in the gym could not back up their claims of not being there because of a girl. I was impressed somehow, I was glad to see that the gym was not full of muscle heads but that the men I was with are actually very smart.

As a final demonstration of how much control women have over men, one gym instructor walked over to a window then wolf whistled and said aloud how pretty a girl he saw walking past is. Weights were dropped unceremoniously as men rushed to the window hurdling machines and weights hoping to get a glimpse of her before she passes from view as they jostled for space and a better view at the window. I doubt the girl even noticed the faces ogling at her as she walked past.

I found this rather interesting. Women really, really baffle men. They try oh so hard to do the right thing but they just seem to get momentary breakthroughs then they are back to the same old. I'm not even sure how to end this post, I'm just glad I'm me.

photos from google

Driving stick shift...

Let me share a little from a conversation that I had some time ago. Once, in the course of conversation with my main advisers of a different time, the subject of how to get laid came up. As I remember now, men really do say some crazy things, (shakes head and chuckles). Anyway, one of our most respected consultants spoke up and professed how he had bought new cologne that drove women wild and we all leaned forward and listened attentively, each eager to discover this well kept secret that had eluded us for the better part of our lives. Each of us willing to be instantly transformed and propelled to the fame and glory we all knew we deserved, ha. He said he bought very irresistible by Givenchy and in the week that he had worn it, he got laid twice. He spoke some nonsense about how the perfume had pheromones that attracted women without you having to lift a finger and in our minds there was scientific proof backing this so we were convinced we had solved the puzzle, you should have seen the grins on our faces ha.

misleading adverts will be the end of me haha

After the conversation, our minds were blown. Twice? Really? That was two times more than some of us haha. I remember immediately dispatching my mum who travels often to purchase the magic stuff rubbing my palms in evil anticipation of the havoc I was sure I would wreak upon my university. I envisioned a trail broken hearts, with women clinging to my leg as I walked away showing absolutely no interest. I believed that this was the final piece of my puzzle that I would combine with my other crafted techniques to finally capture the mind and heart of at least one pretty victim. Needless to say, my efforts were a fart in the wind as women did not swoon in my presence nor make offers of uh... Lovemaking as I anticipated. Neither did I overcome my persistent fear of women. Point is, most men are clueless about how women function.

Haha, how true

Of things that get under my skin, one of the major issues is girls who metaphorically have difficulties with driving (pardon the pun) stick shift.  We more often hear about men who have no idea what to do once the lights are turned down low because women voice their opinions more but we never hear about upstanding men with sore issues that need addressing. (ahem)

It is obvious then that we are not born with biological manuals of out significant others thus it behoves us to make efforts to find out things about each other that we like. Otherwise a periodic result is bruises in unmentionable places, soiled relationships and unpleasant experiences.

I have heard such horror stories and experienced one or two of my own. Given our greatly differing anatomies, sometimes pressure has been put in the wrong place and at the wrong, uh, speed and the end result has been lack of appreciation for the effort. In fact, it is even possible for the man to break his gear stick while driving and take ages to heal thereafter. A rather serious matter if I do say so myself that gives men chills to think about.

 So i hear, i have no information on the subject

In my view, these are two sides of the same coin. There are similar complaints on both sides of the gender divide and there is only one way that gap can be bridged. Honest communication. The moment that a man changes his view of lovemaking from seeing his female partner as a victim of his driving to a willing participant then the whole experience becomes better almost instantly. It is true that most men have an interesting approach to driving. They sometimes see women like cars, a vehicle (not literally, obviously) to get from where they are to their happy place, aha. They sometimes forget that girls also have a desired destination and are not cars but fellow travelers. This I believe is one of the main causes as to why girls sometimes withhold the privilege of driving and prefer to wait for a qualified driver.

All in all, no matter what or how you drive, you still control your own individual action therefore asking for directions every once in a while can seem embarrassing but, wouldn't you rather be able to drive for real rather than fumble about in the dark?

Have a good one people

pictures from google

The Girlfriend Effect

Ah a good mood, I like these. They make for such awesome blog posts, ha. Now lets do this, ahem.

Sometime last week, my grandfather called to say hi. During the course of the conversation, he asked me if I was married yet as if it is as easy as purchasing airtime. I was rather amused as he launched into a lengthy complaint about how he wants to see his grandkids before his time comes. I have so much respect for this man, he was on the verge of offering me a victim, ha. Good man that, I think deep down he understands the effect that a good woman has on a man. The fabled and mysterious, cue drum roll, Girlfriend Effect.

I notice with great pride that men with girlfriends have a way in which they… up their game. In most cases, you can almost have a before and after picture with such contrasting differences. One of my greatest friends and partners in adult mischief recently got hitched and the changes were significant.

I now believe that there is a way in which someone can spot taken man from some distance. I was playing paintball with my boys last weekend when it hit me. A friend of mine who used to have shaggy hair, clothes selected using the obvious TOP (Top Of Pile, consult a boys clothes drawer) method and mannerisms that place him in the same category as a…uh Neanderthal changed and the difference was shocking. Clean, carefully selected clothes, proper etiquette and neat hair described his appearance. It was like an episode of the extreme makeover. I have to say I approved, I was once there and yes, a girl showed me the light.

So I'm fast gaining unprecedented amounts of respect for women in our society in this day and age. They have began to realize that when it comes to sex, they are not the victims but are willing participants hence a lot of sausaging (if you pardon the pun) in contrast to the traditional and more commonly known chipsing. Thus I have been told by a girl or two that “its just physical for me, I don’t want you catching feelings” Whoa. What just happened. Oh sorry, back to the issue at hand.

Time is a resource that no boyfriend on earth owns. All his time belongs to her. Boyfriends have been known to ask for permission to do trivial things like hang out with their boys, shave their hair or even play and watch sports in successful relationships from time in memorial. Haha, I'm sorry even I don’t subscribe to that. But in all honesty, I have seen with my pretty eyes this very thing I speak of. I have seen girls who understandably want to spend almost every waking minute with their victims… uh I mean men. There is an old war that brews beneath the surface, the girlfriend versus the boys. It is often a position no man wants to find himself in but a battle he inevitably has to face. Until cloning technology catches up with our needs there seems to be no solution in sight.

I just hear these things too, never witnessed

*The bootyspotter 9000 is a legitimate and patented system capable of spotting uh… luscious things from distances that a pre teen knows nothing about. It is a common cause of the love at first sight phenomenon that depends on which direction you approach the booty from. It is also responsible for a number of relationship woes, insecure girlfriends and unexpected slaps for staring. User discretion is advised. The company bears no liability for whatever fire and brimstone that may rain on the user for using the system in the presence of their wife/girlfriend.

Most men are born with software by the name of bootyspotter 9000. Upon entering a relationship, most are required by their smarter halves (see what I did there, hehe) to uninstall this software pronto. Between you and me, mine is still firmly in place, it's just part of my operating system (I will bribe to keep it from my girl *smiles*). This is clearly evident as men with girlfriends have a much more composed way of scanning said booty. I assume that it is an evolution within them so that they do not get the fire and brimstone that comes with being found guilty staring at, if you pardon the pun, different coloured pastures elsewhere.

Ah girls, cant live with em, cant live without them. They are fun though, when you know what you are doing. Play safe.

Eh, ok I have written quite a bit this week, so um, have a great weekend.

I will share a random video with you that made me smile this week, viewer discretion is advised though its an LMFAO video.

Pictures from google

The downside of civilization

I'm frustrated. So frustrated am I that I sometimes growl unexpectedly as I ride home using public transport thus soliciting curious looks but I know I'm just expressing what we all know. I watch television and sometimes I see the life I think I want. That life simultaneously seems so far away that sometimes I wonder if it is still worth pursuing it as a dream. 

 well, maybe not that much.

Thus I live in this ever changing world of ours in which anything is increasingly more possible ranging from acts of stupidity making people famous online overnight and careers that baffle the previous generation (mixologist - bartender in the old days). But somehow, my parent and family believe I should get a good job with steady pay and benefits regardless of whether I enjoy it or not and somewhere in there comes a speech about getting more papers (I don't like school much, yes it's personal)... yada yada yada. What about my needs? *sniffs* am I not allowed to be carefree and rebellious? Can't I go live on some deserted unclaimed island and live off the fish? Basking in the sun and sleeping under a gorgeous moon? Can't I kidnap an attractive (hmmm I wonder where Megan fox is) willing victim with chloroform and explain to her when she wakes that we are desolate survivors of a horrible shipwreck doomed to start our own native tribe of fierce but good-looking modern warriors? Sigh.

I want to do something outrageously fun for a living like a bungee jump course rate expert, sex toy consultant or a video game player assistant and get ridiculous endorsements from companies that supply me with merchandise ranging from a life-long pizza supply to fancy cars just because I look good in them. I keep hoping to stumble upon a wishing well soo deep that my descendants sneeze pixie dust or that I come across a lamp with an uber hot female genie willing to fulfill my uh... Wishes. Yeah. (minds outta the gutter, I don't like my house overpopulated).

Totally my career path, pure adrenalin.

To console myself I often blame 'the man' for not being born with a silver spade in my mouth or into royalty cause I clearly have the looks for it. So I think 'the man' can stick it somewhere where  the sun’s rays should not ideally shine. ( I'm not even sure who this man is but I'm pretty carried away at this point). As I write all this I realize I basically just want to be paid for being me then I realize, I already am. I am payed in time. What I choose to do with it is up to me. I'm having fun being me. I suggest you do the same.

Have a great weekend.

pictures from google

My Nairobi

My first memory of Nairobi is of thika road. I remember being very young, we had just moved into the city from Busia. I was excited as I had never been to the big city. The roads were paved all over and there were houses with stairs. I was bubbling with energy like a soda thoroughly shaken with the top closed. I knew things were going to be different, I could just feel it.

I recall the period in which I was in primary school. Nairobi was different then. I remember the riots that university students would stage without warning and how I loved them for they meant no school. I remember the relative safety there was back then, how I could ask anyone on the street for directions home or even for bus fare if I lost mine at the age of seven. I even walked all the way home a few times (I lived on thika road and attended Nairobi Primary school). There was even a time when the Kenya bus company decided to try providing transport with double decker buses, that was the most amazing thing I had ever seen at the time. I only saw those buses on TV. The fact that I rode at the top more than once was enough reason for me to die happy. I had a potentially irrational fear then though, that I would one day be a victim of the mob justice that would take place seemingly indiscriminately then. I was rather small and had no reason to believe that I looked any different from the victims I saw. Fortunately, such actions were frowned upon and faded into history.

As a teen, I saw the introduction of medium sized buses by the Kenya bus company which I imagine was a wiser business approach than double decker buses that became almost iconic of public transport then. Metro shuttles were everywhere and affordable. I was mugged for the first time then too, at needle point if I recall correctly. A very unnerving affair conducted by a boy about my age who seemed as nervous as me and it was right in the middle of town. I was much smaller than him though so I gave him all my money then. At that age, I developed an interest in video games and they were available at yaya centre and Sarit only. Now it seems like a lifetime ago, so much has changed, for the better. There is a mobil petrol station in parklands that gained sudden popularity then among teens. They would meet and listen to loud music from their cars and party with their peers. I never got to go though, my father had no time for my trivial desire to be cool, haha.

As an adult I still see change, great change in my city. There was a time when we had one major mall, Sarit centre. Now they are many and so easily accessible with the major plague of our current Nairobi being the congestion and the incessant traffic jams. There is so much that is good in this city, the entertainment ranging from ice skating and paintball to plays and periodic concerts like blankets and wine. There is definitely something for everyone. That coupled with the road and housing construction taking place almost everywhere is a sign that we got something very right. Everyone wants to be here.

I have travelled the world and my fair share of places I have seen. I find, though, that none suits me or fits me as well as Nairobi does. I have been to Singapore, Malaysia, china, the United States and even visited our east African neighbours but none has such a mix of all the good things balanced to near perfection. A growing metropolis, a vibrant art scene, rich in different cultures but united as one people on the journey of life in a city that not only protects and houses us but also grows in response to our ever-changing needs.

Ok ok so I was not a normal child

While sitting calmly in the office not so long ago browsing the web, i came across some rather amusing articles about children and the things they do that either amuse or greatly frustrate parents. I remembered some of the things i did and could not see the harm in sharing hence the post. I was an exciting child, the James bond of children if you will, swinging from vines and home made devices to almost burning down the compound (yes compound not house) more than once. phew, if i have kids... *shudders* lord help us all.

So now when I was a child I used to imagine that if I put my finger on a place in a map, in the real world a large finger would break through the atmosphere and cover the city causing untold chaos and damage. Ha. I treated maps with such respect haha.

When I was younger I was convinced that my family consisted of secret ninjas because all the TV shows I watched had something like super powers, vampires or something surreal therefore my logical conclusion was that they were keeping it from me. (sneaky and very ninja like, bows after clang).

As a child I knew for a fact that clouds were made of snow which was this glorious substance that I only saw on tv. In my understanding, playing in snow was the pinnacle of urbanization. So I asked my aunt to scoop me a handful on her next flight and put it in a flask for me so I would experience it. Imagine my disappointment whenever she came empty handed. Her lack of effort was inexcusable at that point. I was inconsolable.

I attempted to make a ... Uh jet plane as a kid with nails, planks of wood, wheels from a toy car and a motor from a remodeled (read ripped apart) remote control car. Sigh, always a dreamer.

I then lowered my ambitions and turned my nailed boards into a go kart of sorts with some unpropotionally small LEGO wheels. It didn't go far before the wheels sourced other positions. Fortunately there is no youtube video recording of my awesomeness as an inventor and I did not live near a steep slope.

just look at the adrenalin, exciting eh?

  I attempted once again to fly off the garage roof with an umbrella much to my father’s chagrin. After a brief moment of being suspended before the umbrella gave way, I believed I had seen the light and decided that a glider was definitely the way to go.

I fashioned a makeshift glider from bits of a plastic um…doll house my mum bought us (4 sons, why she did that lord knows) then launched myself off the garage roof once more clutching my rickety contraption with such zeal that I was almost powering the thing with sheer will. Needless to say, I was not successful as I have no nobel peace prize and did not replace macgyver. Fun times though.

Now they are flooding back faster than i can write, i will expound later, actual work and lack of enough day in my hours conspire against me. Till next time, be well.

pictures from google