The Girlfriend Effect

Ah a good mood, I like these. They make for such awesome blog posts, ha. Now lets do this, ahem.

Sometime last week, my grandfather called to say hi. During the course of the conversation, he asked me if I was married yet as if it is as easy as purchasing airtime. I was rather amused as he launched into a lengthy complaint about how he wants to see his grandkids before his time comes. I have so much respect for this man, he was on the verge of offering me a victim, ha. Good man that, I think deep down he understands the effect that a good woman has on a man. The fabled and mysterious, cue drum roll, Girlfriend Effect.

I notice with great pride that men with girlfriends have a way in which they… up their game. In most cases, you can almost have a before and after picture with such contrasting differences. One of my greatest friends and partners in adult mischief recently got hitched and the changes were significant.

I now believe that there is a way in which someone can spot taken man from some distance. I was playing paintball with my boys last weekend when it hit me. A friend of mine who used to have shaggy hair, clothes selected using the obvious TOP (Top Of Pile, consult a boys clothes drawer) method and mannerisms that place him in the same category as a…uh Neanderthal changed and the difference was shocking. Clean, carefully selected clothes, proper etiquette and neat hair described his appearance. It was like an episode of the extreme makeover. I have to say I approved, I was once there and yes, a girl showed me the light.

So I'm fast gaining unprecedented amounts of respect for women in our society in this day and age. They have began to realize that when it comes to sex, they are not the victims but are willing participants hence a lot of sausaging (if you pardon the pun) in contrast to the traditional and more commonly known chipsing. Thus I have been told by a girl or two that “its just physical for me, I don’t want you catching feelings” Whoa. What just happened. Oh sorry, back to the issue at hand.

Time is a resource that no boyfriend on earth owns. All his time belongs to her. Boyfriends have been known to ask for permission to do trivial things like hang out with their boys, shave their hair or even play and watch sports in successful relationships from time in memorial. Haha, I'm sorry even I don’t subscribe to that. But in all honesty, I have seen with my pretty eyes this very thing I speak of. I have seen girls who understandably want to spend almost every waking minute with their victims… uh I mean men. There is an old war that brews beneath the surface, the girlfriend versus the boys. It is often a position no man wants to find himself in but a battle he inevitably has to face. Until cloning technology catches up with our needs there seems to be no solution in sight.

I just hear these things too, never witnessed

*The bootyspotter 9000 is a legitimate and patented system capable of spotting uh… luscious things from distances that a pre teen knows nothing about. It is a common cause of the love at first sight phenomenon that depends on which direction you approach the booty from. It is also responsible for a number of relationship woes, insecure girlfriends and unexpected slaps for staring. User discretion is advised. The company bears no liability for whatever fire and brimstone that may rain on the user for using the system in the presence of their wife/girlfriend.

Most men are born with software by the name of bootyspotter 9000. Upon entering a relationship, most are required by their smarter halves (see what I did there, hehe) to uninstall this software pronto. Between you and me, mine is still firmly in place, it's just part of my operating system (I will bribe to keep it from my girl *smiles*). This is clearly evident as men with girlfriends have a much more composed way of scanning said booty. I assume that it is an evolution within them so that they do not get the fire and brimstone that comes with being found guilty staring at, if you pardon the pun, different coloured pastures elsewhere.

Ah girls, cant live with em, cant live without them. They are fun though, when you know what you are doing. Play safe.

Eh, ok I have written quite a bit this week, so um, have a great weekend.

I will share a random video with you that made me smile this week, viewer discretion is advised though its an LMFAO video.

Pictures from google