Please men, behave.

Now I'm a little old fashioned. My mother brought me up to treat girls gently and with respect. Sure, I had to figure some things out for myself but, these were the basics that guide my interactions to date. I fear not every man was blessed with a mother like mine, a heroine.

I recently attended a party thrown in honor of my friend at a night club. I must say that I found some of the behavior I saw on display that night disturbing. It was offensive, no doubt, but in a subtle way. I'm talking about the behavior of the men I saw, ranging from friends to some of the strangers there.

Firstly, when was it acceptable for a man to casually pass his hand over a girls body parts? I have had the misfortune of listening to an argument in which some misinformed men were of the opinion that if anyone dresses provocatively, they are asking for it. I find this notion thoroughly irritatinging. These same men are likely to cause quite a fracas if the person being offended was either related to them or their significant other. I try and give allowance for some situations because of different backgrounds and upbringing but I find trouble with believing that being respectful and practicing good hand behavior is not a basic requirement.

One more way in which I have witnessed men misbehaving is the way in which they shamelessly get women drunk in order to take advantage of them. I find this appalling beyond description. I know women are not victims of sex but rather willing participants. It would therefore behoove a man to let a girl be if she has no interest and stop devising ways to get his goat whether it is by getting her drunk or forcing his way to his end result.

I still don't have any understanding of why it is that men insult women when their advances are turned down. I get the impression that most men believe that a woman should take an interest in them simply because they have showed some effort. They pay no heed to the state a lady is in or even appreciate the fact that most women politely decline their advances at first. I feel like how to treat a lady should be a class taught probably in high school.

The truth of the matter is, women are significantly more perceptive than men will ever be and for this reason, they can see straight through most men's approaches. It is often abundantly clear that most men are looking for sex whether it is to help them with their ego problems or just for fun is what might be unclear. In addition to this, most men have a similar approach. I dare say that I have been on the unfortunate listening end of a number of the worst pick up lines ever (I should compile them). I for some reason always seem to overhear these things. This usually results in predictable uh results. There is no interaction that has ever flourished that began with a cheesy humorless pickup line. I could bet my favorite slippers on that.

At this point, I felt like I should put in a good word or two, to help men get to the path of decency and civilized behavior. It really isn't that hard to treat a woman well, at least I do not think I have ever sprained or hurt anything in doing so. Here are some basics that I thought I would share.

In a bar, if you must approach a girl, please ask the waiter to send her a drink first (yes they do that) the she will get to see who sent it and hopefully, an interesting encounter can begin from there. If she is not interested, let her be.

Secondly, flowers are your friends. Ha, it sounds like a slogan. Anyway, buy girls flowers, friends, your sisters, your mothers, all of them. They aren't that expensive anyway. If that's hard, just one stem, it comes off as very thoughtful. Oh and get them whenever the spirit moves you, it pays to be spontaneous.

The whole of the chocolate industry was founded on the different tastes that women have. There are so many flavours, combinations with nuts, rasins, wafers and what not. Find out which one the women in your life like and distribute generously. It is better to give than to receive after all.

This is specifically for those men who are fortunate enough to have the special attention of one lady in their lives. Women thrive on compliments. Genuine compliments. They glow like bulbs even in bright sunlight. There is such a thing as too many compliments by the way, so find a balance. In addition to these basics, please do her the kindness of telling her how much you appreciate her regularly. Appreciation, I hear, is one of the leading causes of satisfaction in women on the planet. Go ahead, google it. This, in addition to regular quality time will go along way in making men happier, yes I said men. I once read a quote that said something to do with women multiplying whatever it is that you give them. Therefore, if you make them happy, it will be multiplied by the time it gets back to you. Woe into you if you are a dealer in misery and pain. Now that you have it all, please men, behave.

Dates to Drinks

When I was younger I remember having such curiosity about the mysterious substance known as alcohol. I was simply overflowing with eagerness to sample this almost forbidden fruit. I could simply not wait to see what it was all about. In fact, I remember on one occasion we had some fresh juice that fermented and that evening mum making a joke about how it must be so ripe that one would get high off it. This is my chance I thought brilliantly, I had found a loophole. I immediately offered to get rid of the juice with my own plans in mind. Oh the joy I felt because of my said brilliance haha. I snuck off with the stash with big plans of discovery. I dispatched the juice with the necessary speed so as not to get caught and then waited. I stared into the back yard that evening waiting to see heavenly visions, lights, and mermaids even but alas, the only evidence that closely matched all I had heard about alcohol is that I spent quality time after that in the bathroom, sitting upright. I dare say my curiosity was dampened, for the moment.

I miss those days. Where did they go? I know change is inevitable but sometimes the harsh reality seems to surprise me unexpectedly. It almost has the same effect as rain clouds on Nairobians, causing mass panic and mayhem. I'm talking about the dating scene by the way, let me elaborate.

I once heard a story about a young man who awaited his female visitor at a bus stop with a rose flower in his mouth. I hope for his sake that he cut out the thorns. Sadly though, the young man had plans to uh express his physical interest in the girl but word has it that he was blue that evening and so were his balls. Such stories are rather common I hear and they range from cooked meals to expensive dates that end up with some parties suffering untold frustrations and empty beds.

I remember the times when girls were, uh, shall I say more modest. When an encounter with a pretty girl would start with the awkward mumbled hello and a milestone was a first kiss on date number x (where x could be two dates later or sometime in the future depending on the wooing ability of the suitor). I remember watching movies in which a night out meant a good movie, a play, dinner parties or even a night dancing at the disco (nothing like the sex with clothes on that happens today). Back then, it did not really matter how much money a man had, girls looked for real love. I often pondered on the tangibility of this love thing. It was the Holy Grail back then. If you had it, every girl you knew would be green with incurable envy. They would be forgiven for being mean to you.

Was it such a different society then? Have we necessarily gone astray? I think things just change. At some point, women realized they were getting the short end of the stick (pun intended) and decided to put matters in their own hands. Sure sometimes this translates into putting beer in their hands but to some extent these days the ends and the means meet at as the night fades.

I am old fashioned, or at least I understand the underlying principles. Those days, it was acknowledged that sex existed, it just was not used to sell everything from toothpaste to yoghurt. Billboard advertisements did not have cleavage that would cause accidents or shirtless men selling uh, who knows, those ones are not really my kind of thing. So basically, we are trying to find true love in a society that has been strong armed into accepting casual sex, single parenthood and a high divorce rate. It’s quite a task. It is probably comparable to the first creature/amphibian that attempted to walk on land. Who knows what will happen. It is quite a daunting task, I may as well attempt to fashion a pair of wings for myself by gluing together feathers left behind by chickens in a coop. Anyway, all I know is that I’m not going to find a lasting partnership, a life long adventure and someone to grow old with over shots at the bar.

As always, thanks for reading as I grow wiser yet remain good looking. Ha, didn't see that coming did ya?

Have a good one :-)

Girls rule

I had brilliantly written this post before with such flow and wisdom that I doubted my input in the piece then I forgot to back it up and, well, computers. Clearly I rewrote it hoping some of the wisdom would percolate from the dimension I lost it too. Anyway, here goes.

Girls are awesome. I love them, and as a straight man I dare say I love them way more than men, obviously, but please, allow me explain myself. Girls naturally figure out many things light years ahead of boys. It's just the way nature intended it to be. Intuition, reading body language and maturing faster than boys are just some of the indicators of their clear merits. I love being a man, I would have it no other way; being a man has helped me appreciate girls even more.

  When I was a young teen, I remember the lesson in which the teacher was explaining some basic biological differences between us. I was at the age when I started noticing the not-so-flat contours on girl's clothes and I would feel my chest tighten when a pretty girl walked past (accompanied by an embarrassing stir in my loins). The teacher was speaking about how at that age, girls grow faster than boys and certain changes take place. This was an age where testosterone was kicking in and as boys, we wanted to compete with anything for whatever flimsy reason we could, at times, no reason was even required. We competed in terms of speed (touching a girls bum then sprinting away at the speed of light), bravery (touching the same girls bum when she is with her herd...uh I mean friends) and meaningless stupidity (asking the girl for her phone number soon after, haha). 

Given the in-built drive to prove that we were the superior gender (not much evidence supporting this), there were verbal protests at the seemingly ridiculous statement that girls grow faster from some of my classmates at the time (I was quiet as I was a very late developer, read short stuff). At some point, the boys were asked to leave the class because it was time for girl talk. In my mind I knew they were being told the secrets of how to rule the world and I willed myself to momentarily change so I could mingle with them and learn these secrets for myself (to conquer the tri state area muhaha, cough cough ok, I give). Little did I know, I was right, thats exactly what was going on.

At some point in a girl’s life, she will have a talk with an older aunt, a sister, a mother or sometimes in rare occasions a fatherly figure. This talk is about the monthly periods leaning towards caution when relating to boys, pregnancy and the clear difference in the life changes taking place. This was the talk that they were having. I had watched a couple of videos back then about how sex was bad and how it would either cause you to explode unexpectedly or make you lose your mind to endless lust and I was frightened into maintaining my virginity way past the legal age of consent. In all honesty though, I wasn't ready but right there lies the fundamental reason why I have so much love and respect for girls/women. Nature has it such that from the moment a girl has her period, she is able to be a mother, not just physically but her whole mindset changes and her behavior too. I have met girls with children who do a lot more with their time and energy than other people. I was always against the saying that a man should marry a girl who is half his age plus seven. A formula my dad mentioned once to which I scoffed at thinking, there is no way between my earlobes that a same age 'thing' cannot work for me. I knew I was the Clark kent of relationships after all (still working on that, so much kryptonite everywhere).

 The ability to carry a fertilized egg and to deliver it as a fully formed human being, an action with its fair amount of miraculous flair gives women power in terms of who they procreate with and when. Scientists tell us that some of the things that we find attractive in each other are the hard wired defaults that point out viable mates for us. This means that after several generations and including the fact that we are sentient beings, rather than responding to enlarged body parts, flashy colors or bottom wagging, we just like what we do when our brains detect similar wavelengths... Oh wait :-). Thus even in a relationship, to some extent the woman lets the man do many things (some to and with her). Given men's liking of sex and women's ability to withhold it, many clueless men are at their mercy.

Most elected presidents are married. Naturally, it is a relationship like any other thus the woman has control over many decisions though it is not always apparent. Most wise leaders know that their wives always see things from a different perspective in a very helpful way and rely on them heavily for support and some amount of guidance. Great things are always accomplished in teams. Sometimes, a team starts with two. Without women, we are nothing as men. They are us.

Have a good one people.

Girls: Complex or cover?

Girls are complex, right? No man can figure them out because they can barely figure themselves out right? Bull. I do not support this notion and I will explore why in this controversial post.

What in the world supposedly makes girls complex? Is it the fact that each month, estrogen breaks down their neural path ways and progesterone builds them again at the end of their cycle? Is it because their hormones give them significantly more life changes than any man will ever experience? (girl- teen- lady- possibly mother- menopause). Could it be a result of the oxytocin released in their bodies whenever they feed children or take care of their families thus feeling closer to them in that moment? Or could it be the at times inexplicable behavior they exhibit when going through their monthly cycle or meno pause?

All the above are reasons for behavior that would baffle most men. Not me. Given the information above, it is clear that things are not always what they seem. Despite my bold statements, I have never been a girl and neither do I wish to be one but I have always had an interest in them. Something to do with hormones J.

Girls misuse their emotions at times, crying because some men fear their tears, using their periods for bathroom breaks, hiding cheat sheets in their bras sometimes, writing answers on their thighs in skirts, manipulating men who are interested in them to get free things then relegating them to the friend zone at their convenience. I say, surely something must be done eh? No. I think not, hear me out. Everything on this planet that the good lord put us on has a balance. Good and bad, fast and slow, evil and righteous. As Isaac Newton put it, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It really does apply. The way I see it, leading a certain lifestyle will get you the life it aligns with.

With regard to this issue, men are no better. Some can be described as bad news, to be exact, those who are devastatingly good looking, devilishly charming and smart beyond what is fair. They have the ability to string a girl along for months, years even, then let her go when they want to. They also have their set of excuses ranging from how they got hurt beyond repair in their past to their fears of commitment. Bull, I say again. I'm not saying that these men exist as a counterbalance for manipulative women, but I am saying that everyone gets what is coming to them.

The most important thing I have learnt from this world is that it is balanced, you reap what you sow, hence as I mention all these things, I realize that on this planet, some amount of our future is destined as a result of our current actions so I know that everyone will get what they truly deserve at some point. I could spend my life trying to figure out if women really are that complex, or whether they hide all their intentions behind the veil of being so and get nowhere. The fact remains that everyone is different and no matter what is happening around you, you inevitably choose who you want to be.

I know its been a while, been busy but I promise to put in more effort :-)

Have a good one people

Love and such mushy things (man’s view)

First of all, yuck. Then, imagine fist pumping and manly chest thumping. Yeah, ok, that’s not how men really think all the time but I'm trying to infuse some healthy doses of manliness in this post to excuse some of the mushy things I might say in a bit. I'm a manly man, no chest hairs to prove it but it is what it is. Now that I'm done with trying to convince myself of my obvious manliness, on with the post.

I know some of you approach this post with expectations of some amount of wisdom, knowledge and hope. Cast all these aside, I am a rebellious young man with a thirst for adventure and a few good stories in my past. I have discovered many things by stumbling upon them much like bumping into the coffee table in total darkness then cursing out loud while trying to sooth my throbbing toe. I have no proven formula for happiness as I am yet to be cloned, haha.

So now, ze French seem to know all about zees love, no? how about the romantic Italians? Or the passionate and energetic Spanish eh? Well, I have never been to any of the aforementioned countries yet I claim to have some understanding of the matter at hand, pah, such mindless guessing you might say. I grew up knowing that they (above) were the masters of the mysterious force known as love. The keepers of it even. I often wondered if I would be fit to star in one of their films as an alehandro type (sought by all the women with some noble back story) but alas, I fear my tolerance for nonsense like I see in soap operas is low.

I have seen a girl in love, more than once and fortunately, at least a couple of those times, I was the cause. (applause now,* smiles* ) shocking eh? Yeah, believe me I know. Girls in love are usually soft. They glow like bulbs and have such pleasantness about them that it is almost annoying, when they aren’t fighting their significant others that is. Girls in love have a certain buoyant demeanor about them, almost as if they walk on air like they have jet packs. Men, ok at least the ones I have seen, are different.

Firstly, if a guy is in love, his boys are almost always guaranteed to be the last to know, this probably has something to do with the name calling and flowing jokes that follow but, such moments build a man, Haha. Once in a while, it may happen that a man is coerced by unfair threats by his girl to say such things as I love you back at the end of a call but in the presence of his boys, most guys hunch their shoulders and speak in whispers in a corner as if they are trying to hide. Despite all efforts, chances are that his boys will usually be calling him names like wuss and whipped and such but will have EXACTLY the same reaction when called themselves. After the conversation, the man in question proceeds to change the subject instantly lest the group turns on him and starts poking fun at him.

Men do not share love stories with other men. Ok, at least the ones I know. We tend to encapsulate it all in vague statements. For example, if a man in a relationship is asked by his friend how they are doing, his answer will probably be a one sentence answer like:

Who, her? Oh, We are good.

or

I'm not so sure how things are going

or

Oh her, we broke up, so uh yeah.

The reason for this you may ask? I have no definitive answer but my guess is a lot in the relationship tends to get past many men hence for some mystically baffling reason, they are usually among the last to know that their significant others are unhappy. I blame this on men’s poor ability to read body language.

This is what I have so far, I will write again about this, sometime though I will add this. Uhh, here is my take on the whole bloody thing 

 Love

A love so pure like a sword forged from pure diamonds, strong and beautiful yet inescapably brittle, priceless and dangerous. A love I fear, a Love that pierces my body and ignites my spirit, inspires my thoughts and lends wings to my emotions such that I conquer the heavens and live in the clouds. A Love that brings me to my knees in awe of all creation and in my part in it, a timeless love, a worthy cause, a life worth living.

Ahem, now if you will excuse me, I have to go and recollect my man points or I will be unable to face my boys this weekend.

Yeah, have a good one

The holidays

Ah, Christmas. Not my favorite holiday (April fools, nothing to do with the intelligence of my friends, cough) but I remember as a child how it would symbolize food, drink and presents. It would also mean a trip to the countryside to visit my grandparents. As a child, there was nothing more exciting, I loved road trips, especially since my father had a...uh need for speed. I would sit up for most of the journey, studying his movements as he skillfully drove towards my biggest childhood adventure. I inherited the need though, it's a family thing.

well, as long as its not a cop car :-)

My earliest Christmas memory involves a chicken. Yes, a chicken with a rightfully bad temper because as a child, I loved animals. Frogs, chameleons, dogs and snakes even. I'm still not sure why. Anyway, I liked chicks (still do ha, but uh...different meaning). I liked those fluffy yellow little things and I wanted to play with them. Mother hens were not too pleased with my scheming to get one though. I was chased around the compound by them severally in a way that led me to respectfully keep my distance from those fowl chickens, ha, until my late teenage years. I knew those things were sinister and evil with their flappy wings and their wild bird calls (read cackling). I then decided to hatch one on my own. In my defense, I was very young. I procured an egg and put it under my pillow one night. Imagine my disappointment the next morning when there was no chick there, ha. The egg was under my head the whole night and did not break, this in no way says anything about the weight of my brain, ahem. That Christmas, I learnt that all things take time.

well, timing is everything, haha

I longed for Christmas in the city the more I grew up. I would hear stories about wild parties and fun galore while I was in the village. Oh the jealousy I held in. Then one Christmas, I got my wish. I was in the city but my loving father was not convinced that wild partying was a worthwhile Christmas celebration for his sixteen year old. My months of careful scheming were for nothing, I was foiled. Biscuits!

Soon enough, I was old enough to party if I wished but yet again I was foiled. My astute father did not believe that all those years of watching him drive had magically bestowed upon me impeccable driving skills. Biscuits! It's still a sound argument in my books, ha. Therefore, no partying took place.

ok, ok, yes it went something like that, haha

When I eventually did get to party, I hated it. The clubs were full of people competing to be more inebriated, the bouncers thought they were gatekeepers to untold treasures and even if I got in, finding a seat was an unexpected type of hell. I figured that I had missed the bus and the next two also. Supporting evidence of this came when I tried to party on New Year’s Eve two years ago. I still don't know why every vehicle possible in the city of Nairobi was parked in front of me half an hour to the New Year because I did my new year’s countdown while stuck in traffic; no actually, I was in a parking lot that was charted on Google maps as a main road. Biscuits!! Digestive biscuits in fact. I could not believe it.

After that, I concluded that unless I am at a house party, I will stay home or hang out with friends elsewhere. After all, my take on the holidays is that it is best spent with friends and family. I like to think of that as the best gift of all.

Happy holidays people

pictures from google

Boobs

Got your attention eh?  Well yes, that is exactly what I will talk about today, boobs. Happy topic eh? I'm imagining a few men getting foolishly wide grins on their faces right about ....

 Now.

Ok then, I have never had boobs and that is not going to change for any of those who might have had hopes. I am a big fan though. If ever there was a reason to thank the primordial ooze from which we evolved for taking that first step that brought us this far, boobs would be it. ( insert hearty claps) Capable of starting world wars and stopping charging wrestlers in their tracks, in a way, boobs run the world.

I'm a month late to start my breast awareness conservation but in my opinion, breasts should be conserved throughout the year, October is simply an important a reminder. Given how I grew up in a culture where, as I write this, I hunch my shoulders and almost blush with childishness every time I write boob, I hoped to share one silly man's take on boobs *hunch* haha.

As a manly man (who likes strawberry shakes and veggies, yes I said it), I found boobs in my teenage years. Before that I have no idea where they were hiding because I knew nothing of them. When I discovered them though, it's like I opened pandora's box. Being a healthy young teen in a school with girls was chaos. They were everywhere, and when they were not visible I had involuntarily taken mental pictures. It took me a while of talking to girls before I was able to convince their boobs to stop staring at my eyes. Ha. It was a hard fight though the war rages on as boobs everywhere compel my eyes with their sinister will.

I was recently talking with the girl who is mad enough to date this blogger and I had a mini breakthrough. We were discussing breast feeding (random eh?). I was somehow enlightened. For some reason, I simply do not make that connection when it comes to boobs. I mostly see slow motion jogging (the glorious bounce), bikinis (hair flipping water scenes) and for some inexplicable reason chests belonging to girls who take body building much too seriously. Apart from entertaining men, boobs are actually functional, I mean, really, who knew.

Some time ago, I read the results of a study that said something about looking at boobs being healthy for men. How ridiculous, I thought, but the supporting evidence was compelling. Apparently, staring at boobs can help men live longer because it boosts blood flow in the body, no really, and that’s good for the heart according to scientists. If you ask me, that was money very well spent. Those guys deserve a peace prize or something. Finally, a legal and healthy reason to look at boobs. I fear though that many girlfriends and wives will fail to see the benefits their men reap from such proven wisdom. I have posted the link thus click here. See for yourselves.

As for my opinion, I'm heavily under the illusion that I'm ridiculously good looking hence my aloof and mostly proud nature. Thus boobs must prove to me that they are worth my time, I have lots of awesomeness crammed into one day so I have to know whether its worth sharing, like the kid at the playground with sandwiches in his lunchbox who will only trade with a kid with cake. #thatshowido 

Have a good one people

pictures from google

Pick up artist vs casanova (game part 2)

Feel free to read the first part of this post click here

Ok then. Grrrr…. I hate it aaaahhh. It sucks so bad and I feel like my hands are tied. I hate it when I meet my ex and she is looking like a million shillings I never spent, oh the frustration. Ok, ok I'm done. But ahhh, why cant she just look bad eh? Am I asking for too much? Really? I think not. Surely, it must go against some rule written somewhere reputable apart from the blogosphere. Sigh. Its beyond my considerable powers.

HAha this picture was just too awesome

 

Not too long ago, I was going through my friends hard disk gathering series to watch and I came across a folder with an interesting name. The pick up artist. Interesting, I thought. So I asked him what it was about. One of my friends proclivities with regard to entertainment involved videos of the hot and steamy nature and I did not wish to sully my young virgin eyes ha. He told me it was safe so I added it to my selection.

  Yup, thats them

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series)

I watched the show a little while later and found it quite interesting. It was actually about what the title was. Picking up girls. No, not like napkins from the floor but starting engaging conversations that give uh options. The show was about some clueless men who were being shown the ropes. At the end of the episode, predictably, the man who performed the weeks challenge poorest went home. I learnt a thing or two myself, I admit.

 

well, i imagine it goes something like this

Thus the post, the two types of game. The pick up artist and the casanova. The pick up artist is a specialist in one night stands, friends with benefits and generally the practice of getting some. They usually have uh options on speed dial and usually have some theory or solution for their emotions.

The other type of game is the Casanova. They are usually masters of emotion. Kings of context, know what to say it and when. They are charming, warm and for the time in which they give you attention, you feel over the moon. Neither type of game has more importance than the other. In fact, I would say they balance each other.

Im sorry, that look is just priceless haha

The pick up artist is a genius at first encounters, first dates (if any) and quick exits. The Casanova is more emotionally vested, they charm, romance and almost have a physical hold on the person. The pick up artist can get the girl but the Casanova can keep her for as long as they want.

The pick up artist lives the way they do because they either do not have time for relationships, they only want the physical uh benefits or even fear commitment. They have their appeal. The Casanova is a master of relationships but not as good at picking them up. Sure, they may have more than one person at a time but they tend to focus more on quality than quantity.

I had such wisdom to share with regard to this then I lost the file that I typed it in. Quite frustrating I say. Thus instead I will write about my week. This week, I had my first photo shoot. Test shoot actually with a young talented photographer and it was my first time. I imagined it would be easy cause, well, its me. It wasn't. I was nervous, just a bit, enough for it not to be too obvious.

 No, it was nothing like that though :-)

Have a great weekend peoples

pictures from google

99 problems

I tried so hard to wait until Friday to publish this post but of late I have been writing quite a bit so I will just post them one by one. Anyway, here goes.

Could this be true?? hmm i wonder...

Like the song with this posts title, I have issues I face periodically but girls have never been one. While at the gym today, some of the regulars started a conversation about women and the problems they represent and how men's behavior changes around them. I chuckled so hard that I almost dropped the baby weights I was attempting to look macho with. I even contributed a couple of lines while trying to keep them talking because I found their views rather amusing.

Firstly, it is amazing how strong and fairly good-looking men in my gym lose composure whenever a girl or lady walks in. It has nothing to do with how attractive she is. Most times, they just want to be noticed. I have  seen a man attempt to lift a weight far beyond his capabilities, with veins bulging from his arms and face with such sheer will that his eyes seem to want to leave their sockets to help. Then with each greatly labored lift he heaves so loud that no one at all in the gym can ignore it, with the simple hope of catching a girls attention. What stands out most for me is that he is not alone, spread out in the gym, men who usually bear their burdens in silence suddenly find their voices and the resulting cacophony of men trying to make the loudest noise leaves me shaking my head, quite amused for few, if any girls ever face them. They just finish up and leave.

This guy deserves some sort of prize, i mean, really?

Then my fellow fitness enthusiasts discussed (after the girl walked out, with calm voices no doubt) how men are weak. They went to the extent of quoting that only one or two men in the bible were able to resist a lady's charms. At this point, I put down my sissy weights as I found this too amusing for me to concentrate. They spoke with such passion, each sharing a story in which a "friend" was approached by another friends girlfriend and how it ended as the girl desired. They were resolute.

Haha how silly

Then the conversation shifted to how everything that men do is for a girl, somewhere whether it is a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a mother, a sister or even a girl who has potential. They complained briefly about how ridiculous and unfair the situation was, one gym instructor even saying that girls all over are just growing fat while he keeps in shape but eventually, they all admitted, girls are the root of many problems, regardless of the fact that men simply cannot live without them.  One individual even said that most people were in the gym because of a girl somewhere to which almost everyone brushed off saying that they are only there for their personal fitness. When asked one by one though, most of the men in the gym could not back up their claims of not being there because of a girl. I was impressed somehow, I was glad to see that the gym was not full of muscle heads but that the men I was with are actually very smart.

As a final demonstration of how much control women have over men, one gym instructor walked over to a window then wolf whistled and said aloud how pretty a girl he saw walking past is. Weights were dropped unceremoniously as men rushed to the window hurdling machines and weights hoping to get a glimpse of her before she passes from view as they jostled for space and a better view at the window. I doubt the girl even noticed the faces ogling at her as she walked past.

I found this rather interesting. Women really, really baffle men. They try oh so hard to do the right thing but they just seem to get momentary breakthroughs then they are back to the same old. I'm not even sure how to end this post, I'm just glad I'm me.

photos from google

Driving stick shift...

Let me share a little from a conversation that I had some time ago. Once, in the course of conversation with my main advisers of a different time, the subject of how to get laid came up. As I remember now, men really do say some crazy things, (shakes head and chuckles). Anyway, one of our most respected consultants spoke up and professed how he had bought new cologne that drove women wild and we all leaned forward and listened attentively, each eager to discover this well kept secret that had eluded us for the better part of our lives. Each of us willing to be instantly transformed and propelled to the fame and glory we all knew we deserved, ha. He said he bought very irresistible by Givenchy and in the week that he had worn it, he got laid twice. He spoke some nonsense about how the perfume had pheromones that attracted women without you having to lift a finger and in our minds there was scientific proof backing this so we were convinced we had solved the puzzle, you should have seen the grins on our faces ha.

misleading adverts will be the end of me haha

After the conversation, our minds were blown. Twice? Really? That was two times more than some of us haha. I remember immediately dispatching my mum who travels often to purchase the magic stuff rubbing my palms in evil anticipation of the havoc I was sure I would wreak upon my university. I envisioned a trail broken hearts, with women clinging to my leg as I walked away showing absolutely no interest. I believed that this was the final piece of my puzzle that I would combine with my other crafted techniques to finally capture the mind and heart of at least one pretty victim. Needless to say, my efforts were a fart in the wind as women did not swoon in my presence nor make offers of uh... Lovemaking as I anticipated. Neither did I overcome my persistent fear of women. Point is, most men are clueless about how women function.

Haha, how true

Of things that get under my skin, one of the major issues is girls who metaphorically have difficulties with driving (pardon the pun) stick shift.  We more often hear about men who have no idea what to do once the lights are turned down low because women voice their opinions more but we never hear about upstanding men with sore issues that need addressing. (ahem)

It is obvious then that we are not born with biological manuals of out significant others thus it behoves us to make efforts to find out things about each other that we like. Otherwise a periodic result is bruises in unmentionable places, soiled relationships and unpleasant experiences.

I have heard such horror stories and experienced one or two of my own. Given our greatly differing anatomies, sometimes pressure has been put in the wrong place and at the wrong, uh, speed and the end result has been lack of appreciation for the effort. In fact, it is even possible for the man to break his gear stick while driving and take ages to heal thereafter. A rather serious matter if I do say so myself that gives men chills to think about.

 So i hear, i have no information on the subject

In my view, these are two sides of the same coin. There are similar complaints on both sides of the gender divide and there is only one way that gap can be bridged. Honest communication. The moment that a man changes his view of lovemaking from seeing his female partner as a victim of his driving to a willing participant then the whole experience becomes better almost instantly. It is true that most men have an interesting approach to driving. They sometimes see women like cars, a vehicle (not literally, obviously) to get from where they are to their happy place, aha. They sometimes forget that girls also have a desired destination and are not cars but fellow travelers. This I believe is one of the main causes as to why girls sometimes withhold the privilege of driving and prefer to wait for a qualified driver.

All in all, no matter what or how you drive, you still control your own individual action therefore asking for directions every once in a while can seem embarrassing but, wouldn't you rather be able to drive for real rather than fumble about in the dark?

Have a good one people

pictures from google

Ok ok so I was not a normal child

While sitting calmly in the office not so long ago browsing the web, i came across some rather amusing articles about children and the things they do that either amuse or greatly frustrate parents. I remembered some of the things i did and could not see the harm in sharing hence the post. I was an exciting child, the James bond of children if you will, swinging from vines and home made devices to almost burning down the compound (yes compound not house) more than once. phew, if i have kids... *shudders* lord help us all.

So now when I was a child I used to imagine that if I put my finger on a place in a map, in the real world a large finger would break through the atmosphere and cover the city causing untold chaos and damage. Ha. I treated maps with such respect haha.

When I was younger I was convinced that my family consisted of secret ninjas because all the TV shows I watched had something like super powers, vampires or something surreal therefore my logical conclusion was that they were keeping it from me. (sneaky and very ninja like, bows after clang).

As a child I knew for a fact that clouds were made of snow which was this glorious substance that I only saw on tv. In my understanding, playing in snow was the pinnacle of urbanization. So I asked my aunt to scoop me a handful on her next flight and put it in a flask for me so I would experience it. Imagine my disappointment whenever she came empty handed. Her lack of effort was inexcusable at that point. I was inconsolable.

I attempted to make a ... Uh jet plane as a kid with nails, planks of wood, wheels from a toy car and a motor from a remodeled (read ripped apart) remote control car. Sigh, always a dreamer.

I then lowered my ambitions and turned my nailed boards into a go kart of sorts with some unpropotionally small LEGO wheels. It didn't go far before the wheels sourced other positions. Fortunately there is no youtube video recording of my awesomeness as an inventor and I did not live near a steep slope.

just look at the adrenalin, exciting eh?

  I attempted once again to fly off the garage roof with an umbrella much to my father’s chagrin. After a brief moment of being suspended before the umbrella gave way, I believed I had seen the light and decided that a glider was definitely the way to go.

I fashioned a makeshift glider from bits of a plastic um…doll house my mum bought us (4 sons, why she did that lord knows) then launched myself off the garage roof once more clutching my rickety contraption with such zeal that I was almost powering the thing with sheer will. Needless to say, I was not successful as I have no nobel peace prize and did not replace macgyver. Fun times though.

Now they are flooding back faster than i can write, i will expound later, actual work and lack of enough day in my hours conspire against me. Till next time, be well.

pictures from google

How to date 2 (or more) amazing women at once

I have a few friends who often ask me how I accomplished the above when I tell them about my past. More than one asked me if I would write a book that would hopefully help them understand (for their own evil designs I assume). I am such an easy going person that I really don't see what the big deal is. It really is possible for anyone so I will say what worked for me.

Composure - defined by me as maintaining your cool while all else descends into chaos and all around you run amok like headless chickens with their arms above their heads vocally expressing their apprehension to seemingly imminent doom.

Class - unkempt hair, body odours, untidiness, shabbiness, tardiness, bad manners and improper etiquette should be adjectives that are alien to your description. (unless you are an MP then uh... Yeah).

Confidence - in excess, for some but lots of it should be normal for you. (fake confidence is like a house of cards, honesty is key). Bursting into dance when the energy seizes you on the street should be Childs play for you.

Charm - body language, posture, poise, tone, speed of speech, contextual adaptation and finally eloquent communication all define what needs to be PART of you, seamlessly integrated into your being. Watch an old James bond movie if you have absolutely no clue.

Fortitude - stay the path. It's quite impressive how many critics appear when one attempts to achieve the perceivably impossible.

Step 1 some amount of insanity is needed. Not the kind that gets you hospitalized for talking animatedly to pineapples in a supermarket but just enough to enable you to do whatever you want even if that means defying societal expectations.

Step 2 a healthy scratch that, an perceivably unhealthy amount of confidence that possibly causes your audience to roll their eyes and raise their eyebrows involuntarily often.

Step 3 you need to be attractive (obviously) if you have no idea how to achieve this I suggest you pull the plug on this. It involves so much detail and I really don't have the time.

Step 4 in my opinion some rudimentary knowledge of girls and thing that make them happy. No no, not chocolates and flowers, those are absolutely useless if you know not what you are doing. (if I'm generous I will expound in another post).

Step 5 most importantly, contrary to popular belief among most men, you need to be honest, painfully. It's surprisingly very attractive.

Step 6 you want to look at yourself in the mirror at some point, just to make sure that your reflection is as crazy as you.

Step 7 I cannot emphasize enough how one must love themselves for it is assured that criticism will come  as unpredictably as uh... Mood swings.

Step 8 Arguably, any girls you pick are fair game (as I say this I can almost see the hair on the back multiple necks rising in protest). Really, I mean it, ANY girls. As long as they are human. It amuses me that soo many would say things like never ever. Ha. Too easy.

I would like to issue a disclaimer at this point. Try at your own risk and for goodness sake please be honest. Betrayal sucks!! At some point I will probably share what I learnt from the experience. Till then be well.