Please men, behave.

Now I'm a little old fashioned. My mother brought me up to treat girls gently and with respect. Sure, I had to figure some things out for myself but, these were the basics that guide my interactions to date. I fear not every man was blessed with a mother like mine, a heroine.

I recently attended a party thrown in honor of my friend at a night club. I must say that I found some of the behavior I saw on display that night disturbing. It was offensive, no doubt, but in a subtle way. I'm talking about the behavior of the men I saw, ranging from friends to some of the strangers there.

Firstly, when was it acceptable for a man to casually pass his hand over a girls body parts? I have had the misfortune of listening to an argument in which some misinformed men were of the opinion that if anyone dresses provocatively, they are asking for it. I find this notion thoroughly irritatinging. These same men are likely to cause quite a fracas if the person being offended was either related to them or their significant other. I try and give allowance for some situations because of different backgrounds and upbringing but I find trouble with believing that being respectful and practicing good hand behavior is not a basic requirement.

One more way in which I have witnessed men misbehaving is the way in which they shamelessly get women drunk in order to take advantage of them. I find this appalling beyond description. I know women are not victims of sex but rather willing participants. It would therefore behoove a man to let a girl be if she has no interest and stop devising ways to get his goat whether it is by getting her drunk or forcing his way to his end result.

I still don't have any understanding of why it is that men insult women when their advances are turned down. I get the impression that most men believe that a woman should take an interest in them simply because they have showed some effort. They pay no heed to the state a lady is in or even appreciate the fact that most women politely decline their advances at first. I feel like how to treat a lady should be a class taught probably in high school.

The truth of the matter is, women are significantly more perceptive than men will ever be and for this reason, they can see straight through most men's approaches. It is often abundantly clear that most men are looking for sex whether it is to help them with their ego problems or just for fun is what might be unclear. In addition to this, most men have a similar approach. I dare say that I have been on the unfortunate listening end of a number of the worst pick up lines ever (I should compile them). I for some reason always seem to overhear these things. This usually results in predictable uh results. There is no interaction that has ever flourished that began with a cheesy humorless pickup line. I could bet my favorite slippers on that.

At this point, I felt like I should put in a good word or two, to help men get to the path of decency and civilized behavior. It really isn't that hard to treat a woman well, at least I do not think I have ever sprained or hurt anything in doing so. Here are some basics that I thought I would share.

In a bar, if you must approach a girl, please ask the waiter to send her a drink first (yes they do that) the she will get to see who sent it and hopefully, an interesting encounter can begin from there. If she is not interested, let her be.

Secondly, flowers are your friends. Ha, it sounds like a slogan. Anyway, buy girls flowers, friends, your sisters, your mothers, all of them. They aren't that expensive anyway. If that's hard, just one stem, it comes off as very thoughtful. Oh and get them whenever the spirit moves you, it pays to be spontaneous.

The whole of the chocolate industry was founded on the different tastes that women have. There are so many flavours, combinations with nuts, rasins, wafers and what not. Find out which one the women in your life like and distribute generously. It is better to give than to receive after all.

This is specifically for those men who are fortunate enough to have the special attention of one lady in their lives. Women thrive on compliments. Genuine compliments. They glow like bulbs even in bright sunlight. There is such a thing as too many compliments by the way, so find a balance. In addition to these basics, please do her the kindness of telling her how much you appreciate her regularly. Appreciation, I hear, is one of the leading causes of satisfaction in women on the planet. Go ahead, google it. This, in addition to regular quality time will go along way in making men happier, yes I said men. I once read a quote that said something to do with women multiplying whatever it is that you give them. Therefore, if you make them happy, it will be multiplied by the time it gets back to you. Woe into you if you are a dealer in misery and pain. Now that you have it all, please men, behave.

Dates to Drinks

When I was younger I remember having such curiosity about the mysterious substance known as alcohol. I was simply overflowing with eagerness to sample this almost forbidden fruit. I could simply not wait to see what it was all about. In fact, I remember on one occasion we had some fresh juice that fermented and that evening mum making a joke about how it must be so ripe that one would get high off it. This is my chance I thought brilliantly, I had found a loophole. I immediately offered to get rid of the juice with my own plans in mind. Oh the joy I felt because of my said brilliance haha. I snuck off with the stash with big plans of discovery. I dispatched the juice with the necessary speed so as not to get caught and then waited. I stared into the back yard that evening waiting to see heavenly visions, lights, and mermaids even but alas, the only evidence that closely matched all I had heard about alcohol is that I spent quality time after that in the bathroom, sitting upright. I dare say my curiosity was dampened, for the moment.

I miss those days. Where did they go? I know change is inevitable but sometimes the harsh reality seems to surprise me unexpectedly. It almost has the same effect as rain clouds on Nairobians, causing mass panic and mayhem. I'm talking about the dating scene by the way, let me elaborate.

I once heard a story about a young man who awaited his female visitor at a bus stop with a rose flower in his mouth. I hope for his sake that he cut out the thorns. Sadly though, the young man had plans to uh express his physical interest in the girl but word has it that he was blue that evening and so were his balls. Such stories are rather common I hear and they range from cooked meals to expensive dates that end up with some parties suffering untold frustrations and empty beds.

I remember the times when girls were, uh, shall I say more modest. When an encounter with a pretty girl would start with the awkward mumbled hello and a milestone was a first kiss on date number x (where x could be two dates later or sometime in the future depending on the wooing ability of the suitor). I remember watching movies in which a night out meant a good movie, a play, dinner parties or even a night dancing at the disco (nothing like the sex with clothes on that happens today). Back then, it did not really matter how much money a man had, girls looked for real love. I often pondered on the tangibility of this love thing. It was the Holy Grail back then. If you had it, every girl you knew would be green with incurable envy. They would be forgiven for being mean to you.

Was it such a different society then? Have we necessarily gone astray? I think things just change. At some point, women realized they were getting the short end of the stick (pun intended) and decided to put matters in their own hands. Sure sometimes this translates into putting beer in their hands but to some extent these days the ends and the means meet at as the night fades.

I am old fashioned, or at least I understand the underlying principles. Those days, it was acknowledged that sex existed, it just was not used to sell everything from toothpaste to yoghurt. Billboard advertisements did not have cleavage that would cause accidents or shirtless men selling uh, who knows, those ones are not really my kind of thing. So basically, we are trying to find true love in a society that has been strong armed into accepting casual sex, single parenthood and a high divorce rate. It’s quite a task. It is probably comparable to the first creature/amphibian that attempted to walk on land. Who knows what will happen. It is quite a daunting task, I may as well attempt to fashion a pair of wings for myself by gluing together feathers left behind by chickens in a coop. Anyway, all I know is that I’m not going to find a lasting partnership, a life long adventure and someone to grow old with over shots at the bar.

As always, thanks for reading as I grow wiser yet remain good looking. Ha, didn't see that coming did ya?

Have a good one :-)

Girls rule

I had brilliantly written this post before with such flow and wisdom that I doubted my input in the piece then I forgot to back it up and, well, computers. Clearly I rewrote it hoping some of the wisdom would percolate from the dimension I lost it too. Anyway, here goes.

Girls are awesome. I love them, and as a straight man I dare say I love them way more than men, obviously, but please, allow me explain myself. Girls naturally figure out many things light years ahead of boys. It's just the way nature intended it to be. Intuition, reading body language and maturing faster than boys are just some of the indicators of their clear merits. I love being a man, I would have it no other way; being a man has helped me appreciate girls even more.

  When I was a young teen, I remember the lesson in which the teacher was explaining some basic biological differences between us. I was at the age when I started noticing the not-so-flat contours on girl's clothes and I would feel my chest tighten when a pretty girl walked past (accompanied by an embarrassing stir in my loins). The teacher was speaking about how at that age, girls grow faster than boys and certain changes take place. This was an age where testosterone was kicking in and as boys, we wanted to compete with anything for whatever flimsy reason we could, at times, no reason was even required. We competed in terms of speed (touching a girls bum then sprinting away at the speed of light), bravery (touching the same girls bum when she is with her herd...uh I mean friends) and meaningless stupidity (asking the girl for her phone number soon after, haha). 

Given the in-built drive to prove that we were the superior gender (not much evidence supporting this), there were verbal protests at the seemingly ridiculous statement that girls grow faster from some of my classmates at the time (I was quiet as I was a very late developer, read short stuff). At some point, the boys were asked to leave the class because it was time for girl talk. In my mind I knew they were being told the secrets of how to rule the world and I willed myself to momentarily change so I could mingle with them and learn these secrets for myself (to conquer the tri state area muhaha, cough cough ok, I give). Little did I know, I was right, thats exactly what was going on.

At some point in a girl’s life, she will have a talk with an older aunt, a sister, a mother or sometimes in rare occasions a fatherly figure. This talk is about the monthly periods leaning towards caution when relating to boys, pregnancy and the clear difference in the life changes taking place. This was the talk that they were having. I had watched a couple of videos back then about how sex was bad and how it would either cause you to explode unexpectedly or make you lose your mind to endless lust and I was frightened into maintaining my virginity way past the legal age of consent. In all honesty though, I wasn't ready but right there lies the fundamental reason why I have so much love and respect for girls/women. Nature has it such that from the moment a girl has her period, she is able to be a mother, not just physically but her whole mindset changes and her behavior too. I have met girls with children who do a lot more with their time and energy than other people. I was always against the saying that a man should marry a girl who is half his age plus seven. A formula my dad mentioned once to which I scoffed at thinking, there is no way between my earlobes that a same age 'thing' cannot work for me. I knew I was the Clark kent of relationships after all (still working on that, so much kryptonite everywhere).

 The ability to carry a fertilized egg and to deliver it as a fully formed human being, an action with its fair amount of miraculous flair gives women power in terms of who they procreate with and when. Scientists tell us that some of the things that we find attractive in each other are the hard wired defaults that point out viable mates for us. This means that after several generations and including the fact that we are sentient beings, rather than responding to enlarged body parts, flashy colors or bottom wagging, we just like what we do when our brains detect similar wavelengths... Oh wait :-). Thus even in a relationship, to some extent the woman lets the man do many things (some to and with her). Given men's liking of sex and women's ability to withhold it, many clueless men are at their mercy.

Most elected presidents are married. Naturally, it is a relationship like any other thus the woman has control over many decisions though it is not always apparent. Most wise leaders know that their wives always see things from a different perspective in a very helpful way and rely on them heavily for support and some amount of guidance. Great things are always accomplished in teams. Sometimes, a team starts with two. Without women, we are nothing as men. They are us.

Have a good one people.

Break ups

Curse the damn things! If only a pharmaceutical could engineer a pill to help with these situations and call it something like hurtless (see what I did there, clever eh) or something. Then what a wonderful rainbow filled world this would be, right.

I have never been a believer in the therapeutic value of the beer bottle so this is clearly out for me. I have always believed that if I do not attach something positive to life's disappointments then I would end up constantly losing ground because life, she's not always kind. Hence my resolution to work away my hurt in the gym. I can only say, I have seen my fair share of hurt :-).

I often wonder how other people's break ups go. Are they like mine? Do they hurt the same or more? I have seen people react in all sorts of ways to break ups. I have seen those who end up in tears as if they are competing with clouds to those who hold it all in and try to act unaffected. What is the proper reaction anyway?

When I was younger, I always used to think that I could have done better and all. I had little experience then so I looked for every opportunity to learn more. I figured the more I knew, the better placed I would be with regard to my understanding of relationships and my handling of situations. I'm so glad I took the time to learn because sweet lord I know stuff now, so much so that I remain rather unmoved sometimes. I see things coming before they know I have seen them and I prepare for them in the way that suits me best. Selfish sounding, I know, but in all honesty isn't everyone in a relationship in it for themselves?

In all my adventures and with my experience (more quality than quantity), I learnt that in order to be happy in a relationship, one just needs to be aware of what they want, what makes them happy (discovery mostly takes place via trial and error) then they need the strength of character to keep their word. There is also something to be said about communication. It's not so much about the talking but more about the understanding that takes place. Without this, everything crumbles. Remember people, it really never ever is that serious.

Have a good one people

Girls: Complex or cover?

Girls are complex, right? No man can figure them out because they can barely figure themselves out right? Bull. I do not support this notion and I will explore why in this controversial post.

What in the world supposedly makes girls complex? Is it the fact that each month, estrogen breaks down their neural path ways and progesterone builds them again at the end of their cycle? Is it because their hormones give them significantly more life changes than any man will ever experience? (girl- teen- lady- possibly mother- menopause). Could it be a result of the oxytocin released in their bodies whenever they feed children or take care of their families thus feeling closer to them in that moment? Or could it be the at times inexplicable behavior they exhibit when going through their monthly cycle or meno pause?

All the above are reasons for behavior that would baffle most men. Not me. Given the information above, it is clear that things are not always what they seem. Despite my bold statements, I have never been a girl and neither do I wish to be one but I have always had an interest in them. Something to do with hormones J.

Girls misuse their emotions at times, crying because some men fear their tears, using their periods for bathroom breaks, hiding cheat sheets in their bras sometimes, writing answers on their thighs in skirts, manipulating men who are interested in them to get free things then relegating them to the friend zone at their convenience. I say, surely something must be done eh? No. I think not, hear me out. Everything on this planet that the good lord put us on has a balance. Good and bad, fast and slow, evil and righteous. As Isaac Newton put it, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It really does apply. The way I see it, leading a certain lifestyle will get you the life it aligns with.

With regard to this issue, men are no better. Some can be described as bad news, to be exact, those who are devastatingly good looking, devilishly charming and smart beyond what is fair. They have the ability to string a girl along for months, years even, then let her go when they want to. They also have their set of excuses ranging from how they got hurt beyond repair in their past to their fears of commitment. Bull, I say again. I'm not saying that these men exist as a counterbalance for manipulative women, but I am saying that everyone gets what is coming to them.

The most important thing I have learnt from this world is that it is balanced, you reap what you sow, hence as I mention all these things, I realize that on this planet, some amount of our future is destined as a result of our current actions so I know that everyone will get what they truly deserve at some point. I could spend my life trying to figure out if women really are that complex, or whether they hide all their intentions behind the veil of being so and get nowhere. The fact remains that everyone is different and no matter what is happening around you, you inevitably choose who you want to be.

I know its been a while, been busy but I promise to put in more effort :-)

Have a good one people

Business in Kenya

After successfully failing in a carelessly launched business endeavor, I now have accumulated enough wisdom I think to comment on a number of factors that I think propel most Kenyan businesses to their doom. These are just a few things I have noticed:

1. The number one thing that I learnt from experience will not help a business is cutting corners. Kenyan businesses I believe are in a league of their own when it comes to this. It is a plague that holds back many a great business idea. From the public transport sector to the service business, corners are cut shamelessly. It has almost become an acceptable custom to Kenyan businesses. Symptoms range from rickety public service vehicles that are badly in need of a proper service to eateries who hire waiters so in need of training that they forget or mix up your order a minute after you state it. When a business cuts corners like this, the end result is not being able to deliver the value that the customer pays for, hence nullifying the reason for the business in the first place. This is the reason most people in Kenya are skeptical when one announces themselves a business person.

2. The second important lesson I learnt is that accounts form the backbone of the business. Every transaction should be recorded in the proper way else the business has no proof of its dealings, among other problems. Most Kenyan businesses avoid book keeping as if it is a disease that will result in them losing their sanity. They steer clear of book keeping also so they may plunder the cash register at will and have no records of their misdeeds after. I did not keep accounts myself at first because I thought they were tedious and were only important for companies that could afford accountants. I later learnt the importance of recognizing trends and the value of statistics acquired from proper book keeping.

3. Marketing - One of the plagues of most kenyan businesses is Ineffective Marketing. I know this because I applied ineffective marketing to my business too and yet I still expected mind-bending results. I did get results though, results that pointed directly at the flawed marketing strategy and execution. I used flyers and the internet to the best of my ability and concentrated on making the adverts as visually appealing as i could. I later discovered that the whole process of selling a business begins with a process called market research which many Kenyan businesses ignore. Understanding, the customer, the need and the market including all factors affecting it is the most important thing that a business can do. It is the first part that forms the key to a successful business. The marketing process facilitates the business's existence through research, it's selling points and also the future strategic adjustments for long term sustainability.

4. Most kenyan businesses do not identify a specific business need to address. Some businesses seem to exist because they can rather that to serve a purpose. Some businesses come up as a means to make some money because someone else was seen doing the same thing. There is a guarantee in this country that if you start a business and it seems to be thriving, numerous similar enterprises will be established and attempt to follow your formula for success. If the original business owner does not patent their business technology or have strategic plans that take the business venture to its potential success levels, then the business usually runs out of steam after some time.

5. Customer service - many businesses are quick to accept your money, they are eager in fact to receive it but they are way less enthusiastic when it comes to delivering the value a customer pays for. The effect that this has on customers is eliciting a response such that they hold on to their purses tighter and spend a lot less because they are used to receiving little value for their money. Also, some businesses in the service industry hire people who are outright rude. Some waiters and tellers leave the customer with a bitter taste in their mouths because of the lack of professionalism with which they have treated. In more ways than most consider, this contributes greatly to the way in which customers spend their money and their time at certain business premises.

Though many businesses fail for the reasons mentioned above, there are some though that thrive in this harsh business environment because of their adaptation and integrity. That is an article for another day though. 

Is love that hard?

I know, yes, I know and have been told that my ego needs to go on a life long diet but goodness, can you blame me. Ok ok, I really should stop because I want you to read this post because horror of horrors, you might actually discover a gem and learn something. As I refrain from being cocky about that, I begin my post.

Really? Is it? I wonder, I really do. I had a conversation with a long time friend of mine and he said he had never been in love. I was shocked beyond words. (picture the cartoon jaw drop) . At his age? How? What had he been doing all this time then, I wondered. Anyway, it got me thinking, maybe this love thing is hard. I empathized with all the people I know out there who fear emotions, for various reasons. Some fears real and others that exist only in their heads. Ranging from manipulative exes to obsessive and eerily possessive behavior. It made some level of sense, I guess, it is scary after all. 

It sounded familiar, plus I knew that there was a time when the whole experience was alien to me and sounded like an equivalent spy mission deep in enemy territory without back up and support ( yes, mission impossible 4 is still fresh on my mind so :-p). Then I realized that things have changed for me. I realized that I conquered several obstacles and eventually ended up loving myself more ( yeah, I'm hoping to get away with that one :-)). I realized that my first notions of the emotions came from what I saw in the movies and heard on radio. Little did I know, everyone else was as clueless as I was. I wonder though, in the far reaches of my mind that I don't visit often, whether my knowledge and confidence on the matter is because of my attitude (willingness to fail and learn from it, several times) and approach towards the whole experience or if I just got lucky. Shrugs, ah, over thinking. 

All I know is, you honestly have to love yourself just as you are ( in my case, as a nut case but it is what it is) in order to be able to love and be loved by another and undertake the challenge of enjoying a healthy relationship. The beauty of the whole thing is finding a balance and living with it from having moments of giddy, tingling and dizzying emotions yet living in the same world in which logic applies.

And since I can't help myself, ha. Made you read. You know you love me xox... What am I doing, haha
Have a good one :-)

The holidays

Ah, Christmas. Not my favorite holiday (April fools, nothing to do with the intelligence of my friends, cough) but I remember as a child how it would symbolize food, drink and presents. It would also mean a trip to the countryside to visit my grandparents. As a child, there was nothing more exciting, I loved road trips, especially since my father had a...uh need for speed. I would sit up for most of the journey, studying his movements as he skillfully drove towards my biggest childhood adventure. I inherited the need though, it's a family thing.

well, as long as its not a cop car :-)

My earliest Christmas memory involves a chicken. Yes, a chicken with a rightfully bad temper because as a child, I loved animals. Frogs, chameleons, dogs and snakes even. I'm still not sure why. Anyway, I liked chicks (still do ha, but uh...different meaning). I liked those fluffy yellow little things and I wanted to play with them. Mother hens were not too pleased with my scheming to get one though. I was chased around the compound by them severally in a way that led me to respectfully keep my distance from those fowl chickens, ha, until my late teenage years. I knew those things were sinister and evil with their flappy wings and their wild bird calls (read cackling). I then decided to hatch one on my own. In my defense, I was very young. I procured an egg and put it under my pillow one night. Imagine my disappointment the next morning when there was no chick there, ha. The egg was under my head the whole night and did not break, this in no way says anything about the weight of my brain, ahem. That Christmas, I learnt that all things take time.

well, timing is everything, haha

I longed for Christmas in the city the more I grew up. I would hear stories about wild parties and fun galore while I was in the village. Oh the jealousy I held in. Then one Christmas, I got my wish. I was in the city but my loving father was not convinced that wild partying was a worthwhile Christmas celebration for his sixteen year old. My months of careful scheming were for nothing, I was foiled. Biscuits!

Soon enough, I was old enough to party if I wished but yet again I was foiled. My astute father did not believe that all those years of watching him drive had magically bestowed upon me impeccable driving skills. Biscuits! It's still a sound argument in my books, ha. Therefore, no partying took place.

ok, ok, yes it went something like that, haha

When I eventually did get to party, I hated it. The clubs were full of people competing to be more inebriated, the bouncers thought they were gatekeepers to untold treasures and even if I got in, finding a seat was an unexpected type of hell. I figured that I had missed the bus and the next two also. Supporting evidence of this came when I tried to party on New Year’s Eve two years ago. I still don't know why every vehicle possible in the city of Nairobi was parked in front of me half an hour to the New Year because I did my new year’s countdown while stuck in traffic; no actually, I was in a parking lot that was charted on Google maps as a main road. Biscuits!! Digestive biscuits in fact. I could not believe it.

After that, I concluded that unless I am at a house party, I will stay home or hang out with friends elsewhere. After all, my take on the holidays is that it is best spent with friends and family. I like to think of that as the best gift of all.

Happy holidays people

pictures from google

Girls and driving

See? See what I did there?? I used two separate words. Now there is a reason for this, really there is because there actually are girls who can drive really well. I rest assured that I can out drive any of them though... *scampers for cover*. In addition, there are some who are the reason for pictures such as the one below.

It so happens that I have had the honor of teaching two talented girls something about driving (probably only how to turn on the car and switch it off but hey). Oddly, they are both Tom boys (Tom men?? Ah English, she makes no sense sometimes) with a propensity towards road rage. You should hear them…uh express distaste, their rants can make the scraggliest men fresh out of hunting adventures in the wild blush like schoolgirls. I would dare say that they have a commanding presence on the road.

 I have also seen the other side of this coin. Oh my have I seen it. I have been driven in a car in such a way that my nervousness had me hovering millimeters above my seat anxious about my safety and my promising future (aspiring watchman). I have been in a car driven by a girl who knew for a fact that she was born an F1 driver (only in her mind) and held my breath for so long that I almost popped the buttons on my shirt.

 ok, this did not happen but i would not have been surprised

As of a month or so ago, I would like to take responsibility and apologize to the world for releasing a particular half baked lunatic on the roads. She mastered the basics in a time that I previously considered impossible for girls and has hence taken on the advanced tactics of insulting other clearly mad drivers with words that would make the foulest of sailors blush and hide below decks. Though I suspect she used the tactics below to pass her test...

I came across another girl who can drive recently. No, not get a car from point a to b, drive fast, drive well and skillfully. I was quite relieved after a certain competition, that she did not kick my behind whether it was by pure luck or coincidence. I still deny that I was seen crossing my fingers and mouthing unheard prayers to stay unbeaten. She beat scores of men by the way, I think they probably consoled themselves with alcoholic beverages. She was one girl I would definitely trust to drive me.

The other girl who I respect greatly garners her own respect. Public transport drivers near where she lives know of her. She drives like a man, not just any man though. She drives with the raw testosterone of a truck driver whose image is conjured by imagining a burly bearded man in a baseball cap whose elbow sticks out of an eighteen wheelers cabin and is able to spit a comet-like gob earthwards without causing even the slightest twitch in the blade of grass in the corner of his mouth.

well, im convinced :-)

The point is, girls can drive. Granted, not all but the few who can are as valued and as rare as honest mechanics. The other side of this coin is that there are men who cannot drive, even to save their lives. I will point no fingers *cough* nyaks *cough*.

All in all, girls are awesome.

Have a good one

This week, I saw this awesome video i have to share, the dancing amuses me immensely, haha

pictures from google

Boobs

Got your attention eh?  Well yes, that is exactly what I will talk about today, boobs. Happy topic eh? I'm imagining a few men getting foolishly wide grins on their faces right about ....

 Now.

Ok then, I have never had boobs and that is not going to change for any of those who might have had hopes. I am a big fan though. If ever there was a reason to thank the primordial ooze from which we evolved for taking that first step that brought us this far, boobs would be it. ( insert hearty claps) Capable of starting world wars and stopping charging wrestlers in their tracks, in a way, boobs run the world.

I'm a month late to start my breast awareness conservation but in my opinion, breasts should be conserved throughout the year, October is simply an important a reminder. Given how I grew up in a culture where, as I write this, I hunch my shoulders and almost blush with childishness every time I write boob, I hoped to share one silly man's take on boobs *hunch* haha.

As a manly man (who likes strawberry shakes and veggies, yes I said it), I found boobs in my teenage years. Before that I have no idea where they were hiding because I knew nothing of them. When I discovered them though, it's like I opened pandora's box. Being a healthy young teen in a school with girls was chaos. They were everywhere, and when they were not visible I had involuntarily taken mental pictures. It took me a while of talking to girls before I was able to convince their boobs to stop staring at my eyes. Ha. It was a hard fight though the war rages on as boobs everywhere compel my eyes with their sinister will.

I was recently talking with the girl who is mad enough to date this blogger and I had a mini breakthrough. We were discussing breast feeding (random eh?). I was somehow enlightened. For some reason, I simply do not make that connection when it comes to boobs. I mostly see slow motion jogging (the glorious bounce), bikinis (hair flipping water scenes) and for some inexplicable reason chests belonging to girls who take body building much too seriously. Apart from entertaining men, boobs are actually functional, I mean, really, who knew.

Some time ago, I read the results of a study that said something about looking at boobs being healthy for men. How ridiculous, I thought, but the supporting evidence was compelling. Apparently, staring at boobs can help men live longer because it boosts blood flow in the body, no really, and that’s good for the heart according to scientists. If you ask me, that was money very well spent. Those guys deserve a peace prize or something. Finally, a legal and healthy reason to look at boobs. I fear though that many girlfriends and wives will fail to see the benefits their men reap from such proven wisdom. I have posted the link thus click here. See for yourselves.

As for my opinion, I'm heavily under the illusion that I'm ridiculously good looking hence my aloof and mostly proud nature. Thus boobs must prove to me that they are worth my time, I have lots of awesomeness crammed into one day so I have to know whether its worth sharing, like the kid at the playground with sandwiches in his lunchbox who will only trade with a kid with cake. #thatshowido 

Have a good one people

pictures from google

The friend Zone *shudders*

I was watching an episode of the xfactor the other day and I saw something that made me stifle my laughter lest I am considered mean. A young man and a lady were up on stage and were about to sing a duo. The young man was enthusiastic, young and full of energy. He was a nice guy, I dare say now that I think about it that I think he was more talented but at the time, its not what I noticed. The judges clearly have this thing they do in which they ask a few questions to try and know the performers better so they asked. The guy was rather close to the girl and I noticed from his body language that he must like the girl because I could have sworn that she was not his sister. The female judge picked up on this and immediately asked them if they were dating. I laughed out loud involuntarily as the guy blushed shamelessly, almost hiding behind the girl completely. Embarrassingly though, the girl was unmoved, she just stared at the judges and calmly said no, they were not. Oh the pain in his eyes haha, sorry I'm a bit of a yobbo sometimes. I felt a mix of sympathy and evil glee for I have been there a couple of times myself though in my defense, it was not on public television and I was not singing.

Quite accurate, wouldn't you say?

 Hence my post, the friendship lagoon (according to my genius friend Andrew) which is described as the friend zone, best friends and all manner of deluding adjectives. Such a sad place this is, haha, for the victim that is. Depending on the nature and different dynamics of the situation, I usually feel either a degree of empathy or it amuses me more than it probably should. 

 How does this situation arise??

Well, it usually starts with one party in the situation being attracted to the other whereas the recipient party shares not the same attraction. It goes both ways though it is by far more common to find a guy who is inexorably attracted to a girl who does not feel the same.

The sting of this situation usually occurs at some point when the person who is attracted gets courage to confess their feelings to the recipient and usually get rebuffed with a resounding statement like we are just friends or you are like a brother/sister to me. Hahaha. At this moment, I have no sympathy for I know how many times I have said this, ahem. Forgive my cockiness, I will resume speaking sense.

 Ha, some things are just what they are

Is there a solution in sight for the lovestruck?

I fear not. Science is yet to come up with a spray that will instantly create attraction where there was none and if they do, I hope they never say. In Kenya, I have seen posters on lamp posts and other less than reputable places with notices that claim that they can solve your love problems, love potions and what not. HAha, what fool nonsense. If it works, if someone can give me proof of actual results, I will willingly consume a bowl of grass to symbolize eating my words. I sense that all the grass in Kenya is safe now.

What then is the way forward for the hopeless, is there a champion who will show them the way?

I would love at this point to take credit and take this burden upon myself and free the nerds… uh I mean the lovestruck everywhere so they may have wonderful fulfilling relationships but, its not up to me. In all honesty, the only person who can ever solve this is usually already in it. Just be yourself, if they like it, kudos and all the best, if they don’t, move on.

That’s my weekly dose of genius,

Have a great great weekend, be good to your friends, haha 

ps I could not believe that there is a whole site dedicated to this. Haha, I'm conflictingly amused and baffled by this phenomenon.

http://hoverhands.org/

This is my Cool song this week